2-24-05

I woke up Late

I had a BAD nightmare

I woke up this morning thinking it would be a good day and I ended up getting mad at everyone.

Fuck Elizabeth! I need a fucking babysitter just to go to my locker! My life is full of shit I fucking hate fucking jack as people!

I see Margaret tonight.

Insanity is knowing that what you are doing is completely idiotic,

But still somehow you just can’t stop.

-Prozac Nation

Anger! Cut … notebook with compass. Hate “life”. What the fuck is it anyways? Farland no talking. Fucking reow.

Maybe we can go to the playground. And get toys. Hello Kitty

Yeah!

All of fifth hour I didn’t talk or move and tomorrow I get junior mints. They said that I was a good girl if I sit still for a long time. I can’t wait to get out of school it’s been a long day! But when I get out I have to see Margaret. I like her and all sometimes it’s just hard.

Like tonight I was really angry with Margaret today. She said I wasn’t trying hard enough. She has no idea how hard I have tried and how long I have been trying for. It is wearing on me. Sometimes I think that I am much older than everyone else my age. I have felt like an adult since I was four. In some ways I was. Tonight it was especially hard. I cried. But it was only hard because of the flashbacks that night. Louise said that I couldn’t answer the phone when I’m like that. I thought I was fine. Maybe not.

I went for a walk in the woods. I got lost. The bad man was there he shot me in the leg. But it’s okay I put a band-aid over it.

I got pissed at my dad. I just wish he would let me live my own life. I’m 17. I need my own freedom!