I think that my journey down the dark never ending spiral has subsided… for a little while anyways. Maybe I’m getting better. Or maybe not.

Wednesday

There was this really scary man. I was walking down the hallway trying to keep up with Mitch and right outside Mr. Farland’s door. He was holding the door open though it wasn’t his room. HE was standing there yelling down the hallway with this deep authoritive voice. I got goose bumps hearing him I wanted to run. I told Mitch to tell him to go away The creepy man just laughed. I had stopped in the hallway waiting for him to hurt me. Sarah K. came up behind me and grabbed my arm. She wanted me to walk by him. I told her that he was scary. When we went by he said, “You’re scared?” HA HA HA! He kept laughing like a crazed crack addict. Sarah K. even said she was scared.

I came home played with the goats and went to bed. Yeah it was really early but I just wanted to escape.

Thursday

I went to talk to Tom Hazel. He is supposedly the school “psychologist.” HE is having a meeting with all the school people, my Dad, and Margaret. I knew that they wanted to put me in options so I went to talk to him. It was a really good talk considering the last time I talked to him I was cowering in a corner. He said he is not going to put me in options (Alternative School) YET! That is not going to stop my panic attacks, it not going to stop my layerization. It’s not even going to help it at all. The only thing that options will do is cut me off from the few friends and staff I feel safe around. I’ve done this before! You sit in a room and do this monotonous ‘work’ on a fucked up computer! I not doing it! If they do I will change schools. And if none of the schools let me in … I might just give up… Then I would just prove to them that I did need to go to options. But it would be THE END of my MISERY.

Friday

I went to bed at 4:30 p.m.

Saturday

I saw Margaret. I got a movie. I got some stuff at Target. I went to bed.

Sunday

I got up early, which is really odd for me. When I have nightmares I usually roll around in bed petting my cat or counting the bumps on my ceiling (which is quite inevitable). Not much happened I spent most of the day mowing the lawn. I started at about 11 and just got done at 6.

So my life is getting better. Or at least not as dramatic.